19 augusti 2016

Why I had to leave


Misery is a different thing to different people. When I was miserable in my old life, people didn’t understand me and told me I was spoiled. That I had the best life I could ever have and didn’t know anything about misery or loneliness. I could never give them a good answer. I knew what I felt but could never explain it properly. Until today. Like all other great thoughts, it came to my mind while being in the forest.

Misery for me was to be surrounded by dead things. Walls, concrete and people that had forgot how to live. Unnatural beings. People that considered “fun” to be spending money shopping for clothes or drinking at clubs. People that thought the ultimate goal in life was to own an apartment in the middle of the city, having cool clothes from certain brands, have a well-paid job and getting Instagram-likes. Sure, before I moved I had an ok family, good economy, food, shelter, internet and all that, but I was surrounded by death. The old forests were covered with shopping-malls and the trees that were supposed to grow there had become thousands of houses. The streams were contained, poisoned or put underground and the high buildings in the city stopped the wind from coming through. It was killing me and the only thing keeping me alive was knowing that when I was old enough, I could get out of there. I need life around me to thrive. Life is more than other humans, it is animals and it is nature. I needed to get away from the noises and people which way to live I despised. I needed to live in a place where there was life. Where the air was free of light pollution and clear to breathe, where the forests were untouched, the animals still alive and hearts were still wild. Where I can see the stars and northern lights, feel the cool winds from the mountains touch my skin and where I can feel safe. The darkness doesn’t scare me, the forest doesn’t scare me. People is what scare me. Because they have forgotten how to live and their hearts are growing cold. There is not just physical killing going on, but they are also killing eachothers spirits by all of them contributing to a society where buying is the way. "Buy this to become beautiful. Buy this to impress others. When you are beautiful and popular you will be happy". This way of living and thinking is lethal for peoples minds. That is not a life. That happiness is not real. Dead things can not make you happy. Dead people can not make you happy.

I had to get away from it. Escape death and find life. I traveled to find it. Hiked to find it. And eventually I found a home in it, here in nothern sweden. The beauty of nature and love from other species, that has no obligation or natural instinct to be with us, does more for a persons well-being than one can know. The presence of life is everything to us. The presence of life is everything to me.

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